It’s been a while since I have written anything, mostly because nothing feels funny. I’ve been spending a lot of time alone in the garden, wrestling weeds, dodging skinks, talking to chickens.
My chickens have had a lot to say. One bird, in particular, has way too much to say. “Cock-a-doodle-doo,” to be specific.
Roosters are illegal in the urban district, so I need to unload this inconvenient bird, stat. Anybody want a brand-new rooster? Seriously.
My husband asked if there is a dating site for roos seeking hens, and, if so, is it called ChickenTinder? I wish. I would enjoy writing that dating profile.
In the course of taking a glamor shot of Mr. Surprise to post on social media (#freebird), I noticed that his coopmate, Big Red Hen, was walking sort of weird. As it turned out, her backside was encrusted with gross stuff, so I abandoned the portrait session and, before I knew it, was sitting in the grass with an upside-down bird in my lap, cleaning her bum with a garden hose.
I don’t want to over-share about my chicken’s private parts, but it was not pretty. The internet has a lot to say on the topic of “vent gleet,” which is kind of like a yeast infection around the cloaca or vent — the opening where eggs and poop come out — so I bathed her booty, trimmed the feathers around it, and sprayed the whole enterprise with antifungal medication.
To be clear, my own self-care is at a 49-year low, while my Rhode Island Red just got a Brazilian, along with what was left of my Tinactin.
Sorry, I’m venting.
Meanwhile, if you know anyone looking for a slightly cocky, gender-fluid Lavender Orpington whose pronouns are suddenly he/him, I know one that is looking for a long-term relationship, or, honestly, probably just sex. No judgment, either way. He just can’t stay here.
Building Up Buttercup 
Thank you! Incredibly well written, and I actually laughed out loud!! And laughing out loud, well that takes a lot these days. Grateful for you and your wit.
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Thank you! Yeah, the laughing is hard to come by lately, as is the fellowship. Thanks for reaching out here to say hi. Makes my day!
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You ARE so funny!!!❤️
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June 14, 2020: 6:38pm— My sometimes interest in “maybe someday getting chickens” is completely negated, forever squashed. Shows I must not have been truly desirous enough. But the image of you with the garden hose and upside down chicken is gold. You’re a good chicken mama.
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Oh Carrington, so glad you are back at it today! I never thought I would voluntarily read about the life of a gregarious single rooster, but I love hearing your voice in your grisly daily adventures. Perhaps a Netflix mini-series? It would be far cleverer than anything they’re airing these days. Sign me up to subscribe for Chick Life with the Foxes.
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Hilarious despite yourself and your chicken vent! Go, Carrington!
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This may be my new favorite! Just keep ‘em coming! I so enjoy your adventures….and always with your chickens but the cleaning of the vent takes the cake. Thank you for sharing your hilarious thoughts with us!
♥️
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This was interesting Carrington…very interesting kinda like that is why I don’t have chickens. I so remember babysitting a St. Bernard dog of a friend and her instructions were to clean his hairy bottom with a hose after he pooped before he comes in the house.
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I wonder how French roosters know to say “cocorico!” instead of cockedoodledoo? And if you’ve never seen the film Sordid Lives, there is a bit on that…
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You are high- larious!!!!😜😜😜
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